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The Transformers: The Movie: The Parody

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Radio Free Cybertron presents:

Transformers: The Movie

Part III


Maximus Prime as Unicron

Brian Kilby as Galvatron

ViceGripX as Cliffjumper

Túrin as Spike Witwicky

Zobovor as everyone else

With Special Guest Stars...


and Waspinator

-----{Scene 11}

Narrator: While the funeral dirge for Optimus Prime plays on, the
Decepticons retreat from the inferno that is Autobot City.

Sound: Astrotrain, reeling through space

ASTROTRAIN: You'd better jettison some weight or we'll never make it to


ASTROTRAIN: Well, we'll *make* it to Cybertron, we just won't make it
there *safely*. See, we won't be able to *stop* once we get there.
Basically, we'll be splattered into tiny little Deceptichunks. I think the
key idea to remember is that if we don't jettison some weight, we'll all be

Starscream: Are you finished?

Astrotrain. Yes.

Starscream: Besides, you meant *mass*, didn't you?

Astrotrain: Er, yeah.


STARSCREAM: Fellow Decepticons, Astrotrain has requested that we lighten
our load.

Astrotrain: Actually, it's quite a bit more urgent than a request--

Starscream: Shut up, you fool!

Hook: I say it is survival of the fittest!

STARSCREAM: Hmm, do I hear a second on that?

(Uninjured): (Aye!) (Sure!) (Yup!) (Yeah!) (What was the question again?)

STARSCREAM: Any opposed?

(Injured): (Nay!) (No!) (No!) (Oh, smeg...) (Has anyone seen my left arm?)

STARSCREAM: The ayes have it! A ha hah hahaahahahah!

Sound: scuffling

(Injured): (Please!) (No...!) (Ahhh!) (Auntie Em! There's no place
like home!) (Hey, I can see my house from here!)

(Uninjured): Seeya! So long!

Soundwave: See "ya." Wouldn't want to be "ya."

(They all get thrown out the hatch)

Starscream: Oh Meeeeegatron...

(Starscream carries Megatron to the hatch)

Starscream: So, Megatron. Megarino. Megatronissimo. How's everything?

Megatron: Wait, I still function...

STARSCREAM: Not for long... Oh, how it *pains* me to do this!

MEGATRON: Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

STARSCREAM: Hasta la vista, buddy.

MEGATRON: Wait! Wait!

STARSCREAM: As Megatron has, well, abdicated, I suppose that makes me the
new leader, being next in the chain of command and all.

Bonecrusher: Not so fast, Starscream. The Constructicons from Devastator,
the most powerful robot, assuming you don't count Bruticus or Menasor.
*We* should rule.

SOUNDWAVE: Soundwave superior. Constructicons inferior. And stupid. And

BONECRUSHER: Who are you calling inferior?

HOOK: No one would follow an uncharismatic boor like you!

Sound: Several cassettes eject

*RUMBLE: Hey, nobody calls Soundwave un-krossa-matic!

Sound: Fighting

Starscream: Decepticons, please! Don't let this degenerate into violence!

Sound: Segue

-----{Scene 12}
(Space near Unicron. Megatron and the other discarded 'Cons float in)

UNICRON: Megatron.

Megatron: Huh?

Unicron: WAZZAAAP!!

MEGATRON: Who--who said that?

UNICRON: I am Unicron.

MEGATRON: Show yourself!

Unicron: We hardly know each other... Now pay attention. I have summoned
you here for a purpose--

MEGATRON: Nobody summons *Megatron--


Megatron: You dare to mock m--

Unicron: Yes.

MEGATRON: State your business!

UNICRON: This is my command: you are to destroy the Autobot Matrix of

Megatron: What's that?

Unicron: No one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see if for
yourself. It is the one thing, the *only* thing, that can stand in my way,
barring any planet destroying battle stations from another universe.

MEGATRON: You have nothing to fear. I have already crushed Optimus Prime
with my bare hands!

Unicron: No you didn't.

MEGATRON: Well, just about.

Unicron: Fraid not.

Megatron: Well, slag it, he's dead, at any rate, and the Matrix died with

UNICRON: Wrong! The Matrix has been passed to their new leader, Ultra
Magnus. Destroy it for me.

MEGATRON: Why should I? What's in it for me?

Unicron: Your life.


UNICRON: I will provide you with a new body, and new troops to command.


UNICRON: AND NOTHING! You belong to *me*, now.


UNICRON: Fine. By all means, proceed on your way to oblivion.

Megatron: And...?

Unicron: ...am I not speaking clearly or something?

Sound: Unicron's funky red light of destruction.

MEGATRON: No, no! Wait! Wait! Okay, I accept your terms! I ACCEPT!

Sound: Megatron screams like a little girl.

UNICRON: Excellent.

Sound: riff from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure"

Sound: Megatron-Galvatron metamorphosis sequence

UNICRON: Behold--Galvatron.

UNICRON: And these shall be your minions: Scourge, the tracker, and his
huntsmen, the Sweeps.

Narrator: A glowing fog surrounds the Decepticons, turning THUNDERCRACKER
into Scourge.


Narrator: Yes, Thundercracker.

UNICRON: Cyclonus, the warrior, and his armada.

Sound: Explosion

Unicron: Whoops. Okay, just Cyclonus, then.

GALVATRON: I will rip open Ultra Magnus, and any Autobot who gets in my
way. The Matrix shall be destroyed!


Galvatron: Okay, then, let's all get acquainted. I, as you know, used to
be Megatron. And you... Cyclonus, is it? How are you then? You were
Skywarp a minute ago, weren't you?

Cyclonus (Dinobot): Grr, I would *prefer* to carry out our mission,
*mighty* Galvatron.

UNICRON: Go. Destroy the Autobot Matrix. Of Leadership, that is.

Galvatron: Come along, Scourge.

Scourge (Waspinator): Hmm, Scourge thinks we should go to Cybertron and
teach Starscream a lesson.

Galvatron: Yes... to Cybertron!

UNICRON: Go. Destroy the Matrix.

-----{Scene 13}
(On Cybertron, Decepticon coronation courtyard)

Sound: Constructicons are blowing trumpets at Starscream's coronation

STARSCREAM: My fellow Decepticons, as your new, democratically elected,
heh, leader, I--

Sound: Galvatron flies in

STARSCREAM: Who dares to disrupt the coronation of Starscream the

GALVATRON: Coronation, Starscream? This is bad comedy!

STARSCREAM: I know you are, but what am I?

Gavlatron: You're a fool!

Starscream: I know you are, but what am I?

Galvatron: You will pay for your insolence!

Starscream: Wait a minute... you're not Megatron in a new body by any
chance, are you?

GALVATRON: Here's a hint!

Sound: He transforms to an artillery piece and blasts at Starscream

Starscream: Ow! That stings!

Cyclonus: Grr, Galvatron, I don't think Unicron hooked up your weapons
correctly. Let me take a look. I think I can give you more power... (Tim
Allen grunt)

Sound: tinkering

Cyclonus: Grr, okay, try it now.

Starscream: Wait! Wait!

Sound: Galvatron shoots Starscream.

Starscream (very weakly, but not tragically): Oh... yeah...

Sound: Galvatron shoots Starscream.

Starscream: What a world, what a world... (fades)

Sound: Galvatron transforms

GALVATRON: Will anyone attempt to fill his shoes?

Robot1: Actually, I think *I* should be the next leader--

Sound: Galvatron transforms. Fires. Transforms.

GALVATRON: Will anyone attempt to fill *his* shoes?

Robot2: I think--

Sound: Galvatron transforms. Fires. Transforms.

GALVATRON: Anyone *else*?

Sound: silence

*RUMBLE: What'd he say his name was?

GALVATRON: Rumble, it's me, Megatron. I got a new body, and I've chosen
to go by the name Galvatron from now on.

*(all): Hail Galvatron! Galvatron!

-----{Scene 14}

Sound: Segue

Narrator: Meanwhile, the Autobots are having problems of their own...

Sound: (Unicron shows up and bears down on Moonbase One)

JAZZ: What the smeg is *that*?!

CLIFFJUMPER: Well, it looks like a giant planet about to kill us. Perhaps
you'd better radio for help?

Sound: (Mandibles tear into the moon, debris flies)

JAZZ: Talk to me, Earth! We got a situation out here! Roger me, wilco
me, anything! Hello, hello Earth!

BLASTER: I'm picking up a faint signal. (Transforms)

JAZZ: This is Jazz. An enormous, weird-looking planet just showed up in
the suburbs of Cybertron--

CLIFFJUMPER: And it's attacking Moonbase One--

Sound: (signal breaks up) krzzt zzzkt tkkkzztzz...

Jazz: I think we're on our own. Let's get out of here!


Jazz: Check.

Cliffjumper: Navigational computer.

Jazz: Online.

Cliffjumper: Fuzzy dice.

JAZZ: Check! HIT IT!

Sound: shuttle launch

CLIFFJUMPER: Jazz, we're not getting away!

Jazz: Thank you, Captain Obvious! Throw some stuff out! Maybe with less
mass we can break free!

Sound: Rummaging

Jazz: No, not my Four Seasons CDs!

Sound: (They're sucked in)

Narrator: Meanwhile...

SPIKE: This is Spike and Bumblebee up here on Moonbase Two.

*BUMBLEBEE: This *thing*, this monster planet, just ripped the first moon
to shreds!

SPIKE: And it's heading this way. We'll try and slow it down, but I think
we have about as much chance as... well, something really unlikely. You
better get here fast 'cause we're--

Sound: transmission breaks up

SPIKE: Bumblebee, activate the explosives. If this doesn't stop it,
nothing will, short of some sort of deus ex machina!

*BUMBLEBEE: The explosives are activated. Let's get outta here!

Sound: Shuttle

Sound: Explosion

Spike: Yeeeeeeeeeeeha! All right! Nothing can go wrong now!


SPIKE: It isn't even scratched! Well that's just great, man. What are we
supposed to do now, huh? What are we gonna do? Game over, man. Game over!

*BUMBLEBEE: We're being sucked into it!

Spike: Eww...

Sound: Unicron swallowing the shuttle

Narrator: Meanwhile, On Cybertron...

GALVATRON: How dare Unicron! Cybertron and all its moons, and the whole
universe, for that matter, as I've said on occasion, belong to me!

Unicron's voice: Oh yeah?

Sound: Unicron tortures Galvatron, he writhes in pain

SCOURGE: Now remember, sandcastle-bot belongs to *him*.

GALVATRON: I belong to NOBODY! (more pain) No! Uhh.... I will obey,
Unicron... <under his breath> you scumbag. (recovers, breathing hard)
Decepticons, to Earth!

Cyclonus: Grr, I'm hanging with the wrong crowd...

Sound: Their ship flying through space

(Copyright) 2000 by Túrin