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The Transformers: The Movie: The Parody

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Brief intro music

Radio Free Cybertron presents:

Transformers: The Movie

Part II


ViceGripX as Hot Rod

Túrin as Perceptor

Mop-Boy as Daniel

Endora360 as Arcee

and Zobovor as everyone else

With Special Guest Star, Sean Connery, as Kup

-----{Scene 5}

Narrator: While the Decepticons travel to Earth in their stolen shuttle, the Autobot Hot Rod sits by an idyllic mountain lake, fishing with Daniel Witwicky.

Sound: Some nature-like sound. The forest theme from Bugs Bunny would be perfect.

HOT ROD: The fish are really jumping today, eh, Daniel?

DANIEL: [distracted, depressed] Huh?

HOT ROD: I said... hey, what are you doing? We're supposed to be fishing here.

DANIEL: I'm just watching tv.

Hot Rod: Well, knock it off. What are you watching, anyway?

Daniel: Just some old cartoon, from when my dad was a boy.

Sound: brief clip of theme to The Smurfs

(slightly distorted sound level, so we know it's something Daniel's watching.)

Brainy: Papa Smurf! Oh Papa Smurf!

Papa Smurf: (ticked off sigh) Brainy, would it be possible for you to shut the smurf up for just five minutes?

Hot Rod: You humans have weird notions of entertainment.

Daniel: That's funny coming from a giant robot holding a fishing pole.

Hot Rod: You little... look, why are you in such a bad mood?

Daniel: I guess I just miss my dad.

Hot Rod: Well, keep practicing and your aim might improve.


Sound: Quick shuttle sound, flyby.

Daniel: (excited) Hey, Hot Rod, look! The shuttle! Let's go watch it land!

Hot Rod: You spend your day conversing with transforming robots from another planet, but what really gets you excited is watching them commute? You're one weird little kid.

DANIEL: Hurry, or we'll miss it!

Sound: Hot Rod transforms and drives. Some sort of short music, but not necessarily Dare.

DANIEL: Hot Rod, look--there's a hole in the shuttle!

HOT ROD: (singing) There's a hole, in the shuttle, dear Daniel, dear Daniel, there's a hole in the shuttle, dear Daniel, a hole.

Daniel: I'm serious! Look!

Sound: some scanner gizmo sound

Hot Rod: Decepticons! In our own shuttle! ...The *nerve*!

Sound: he opens fire with his forearm guns

Sound: (The shuttle erupts in flame, and the 'Cons jump out)

MEGATRON: Decepticons, ATTACK!

Sound: He blasts the platform: it starts to collapse

Daniel: screams his annoying scream

Sounds: lots of shooting and other battle sounds

Sound: Driving

-----{Scene 6}

Narrator: Meanwhile, in Autobot City...

PERCEPTOR: Ultra Magnus, a cursory evaluation of Decepticon capability indicates a distinct tactical deficiency.

Ultra Magnus: (pause) Cursory *and* distinct?


Ultra Magnus: Do you even know what half the words you use *mean*?

Pereceptor: Uh, yes? ...

ULTRA MAGNUS: Well, anyway, we should have no problem defeating the Decepticons.

Springer: Uh, I think he means *we're* the ones with the deficiency.

Ultra Magnus: Naw, you didn't mean that, did you Perceptor? After all, we've got the whole city at our disposal. They've got one shuttle.

Perceptor: Don't you remember, Ultra Magnus? You gave half of our forces the week off.

Ultra Magnus: 'Doh!

Sound: Segue

STARSCREAM: Pathetic fools! There's no escape from Starscream the Magnificent! Bwahahaha...

Sound: doors closing, close on Starscream's foot

Starscream: Ahh! My foot! Help me Dr. Scholl... you're my only hope...

MEGATRON: Breach their defenses!

Sound: battle, pounding, gunfire

*BLASTER: Hey, Perceptor, what's shakin'--other than this fortress?

PERCEPTOR: Blaster, Contact Optimus Prime on Moonbase One. There's no way he can possibly get here in time, of course, given our current understanding of Einsteinian physics, but we might as well let him know that we're all about to snuff it.

*BLASTER: *Alright!* Cover your receptors, Perceptor! Optimus Prime, do you read me?

MEGATRON: Soundwave, jam that transmission!

Soundwave: By Your Command. Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, eject! Operation: Give Blaster The Rasberry!

Sound: pounding

*RUMBLE: First we crack the shell; then we crack the nuts inside!

PERCEPTOR: That is truly disgusting.

Sound: Segue

-----{Scene 7}

SPRINGER: Com'on, Arcee, give me a hand with this big gun.

Arcee: We don't have time for that. We've got to fight the Decepticons!


Springer: I'm talking about the missile launcher I'm trying to move into position.


Arcee: Er, me too.

Sound: Kup arrives

KUP: Keep at it, Springer my boy... *I'm* here now. The Decepticons will soon learn the meaning of the word fear.

Springer: Whatever you say, Kup...

MEGATRON: Constructicons, form Devastator, like you've never formed him before!


Hook: What does *that* mean?

Bonecrusher: Don't argue with him when he's excited, Hook.

Sound: Devastator transforms


SPRINGER: I've got better things to do tonight than *die*! ...I got me a hot date, and I'm not missing it for *anything*! Take *that*!

Sound: Loads a shell, fires it. Devastator isn't scratched. He tears through the wall, destroying the launcher.

Sound: segue

-----{Scene 8}

Narrator: The Morning After...

MEGATRON: Their defenses are broken! Let us now destroy them while they are helpless, as is our wont.

Soundwave: Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, eject! Operation: Kick Butt.

Sound: Prime's shuttle flies in

Optimus Prime: Superion! Destroy Devastator!

Grimlock: Uh, Superion not here, Prime.

Optimus Prime: Omega Supreme! Demolish Devastator!

Slag: He not here either, Prime.

OPTIMUS PRIME: Grr... Dinobots! Murder Devastator in cold blood!

GRIMLOCK: Me Grimlock love challenge! Dinobots, attack with extreme prejudice.

Sound: They drop out of the shuttle. They battle Devastator to a standstill.

OPTIMUS PRIME: Megatron *must* be stopped. *Seriously*.

Sound: ["The Touch"]

Sounds: Prime transforms, rolls into city, blasts 'Cons, transforms again


OPTIMUS PRIME: One shall stand; one shall fall. Unless we both fall. Or we both survive. But one of those shall definitely happen here today.

MEGATRON: Why throw away your life so recklessly, and so early?

OPTIMUS PRIME: Today's Wednesday, Megatron. *Anything Can Happen.*

MEGATRON: I'll crush you with my bare hands... and a light saber and gun, if things get too rough.

Sound: Scuffling

HOT ROD: I've got to help Prime!

KUP: Yes, all those years he led the Autobots through battle and fought Megatron to a standstill, what he really needed was *your* help, Hot Rod.

Sound: Scuffling

MEGATRON: Prime, I will rip out your-- [Sound: Scuffling] Ow, stop pinching! No fair!

Sound: (Prime knocks Megatron down. Kup runs up.)

KUP: Finish him off, Prime! Remember all those Autobots he's killed over the years, offscreen.

MEGATRON: Time out, Optimus Prime. Let me catch my breath.

Optimus Prime: Say goodbye, Megatron!

Megatron: Grant me mercy, I beg of you!

OPTIMUS PRIME: You, who are without mercy, now plead for it?

Megatron: Well, if I *had* any mercy, I wouldn't have to *ask* for some, now would I?


Optimus Prime: You don't know what the word means, do you?


Optimus Prime: I thought you had a more impressive vocabulary than that.

Kup: Look out, he's got a gun!

Prime: He *is* a gun, Kup.

HOT ROD: Oh no, you *didn't* just pull a gun, you deceitful Decepticon!

OPTIMUS PRIME: Get out of the way, Hot Rod!

Sound: (Megatron grabs Hot Rod as a shield and blasts Prime in a wound he'd inflicted earlier. Prime falls. Tosses Hot Rod away.)

MEGATRON: Fall, fall! I would have waited an eternity for this. In fact, I nearly did. But it's *over*, Prime.


Megatron: Argh!

Sound: Prime knocks Megatron over the wall, then collapses and grunts.

HOT ROD: Optimus... whoops.

Sound: Starscream walks up.

STARSCREAM: How do you feel now, mighty Megatron? Does it hurt? Does it? Astrotrain and Blast-off, transform and get us out of here!

Soundwave: Blast-off isn't here.

Starscream: Drat.

MEGATRON: Don't leave me, Soundwave.

SOUNDWAVE: I will never leave you, Megatron. I... love you.

Sound: (Autobots firing after the retreating 'Cons.

ARCEE: The Decepticons are bugging out! I knew the sight of my pale pink form in all it's splendor would strike terror into their hearts.

KUP: Prime did it... He turned the tide. No thanks to *Hot Rod* over there, who must've been *absent* the day they tought such basic strategy as NOT GETTING IN YOUR FRIEND'S LINE OF FIRE!!!

STARSCREAM: Astrotrain... engage.

Sound: Astrotrain rolls across city as train, then transforms into shuttle as he goes off the edge over the river, flies off

-----{Scene 9}
["Death of Optimus Prime"]

Sound: (Perceptor, in microscope mode, is scanning Optimus)

PERCEPTOR: I fear the wounds are--fatal.

DANIEL: Prime, you can't die.

Perceptor: Apparently you weren't listening to the previous line of dialogue, Daniel.

PRIME: Do not grieve... too much. Soon I shall turn grey, and pass away.

Kup: Hey, you're a poet, and you weren't even aware of that fact.

Prime: Soon I shall be one with the Matrix. Ultra Magnus, it is to you, old friend, that I curiously haven't seen much of lately, that I shall pass the Matrix of Leadership, as it was passed to me, at an unspecified time and place.

MAGNUS: I don't wanna. I'm not fond of responsibility.

PRIME: Nor was I, but one day an Autobot shall rise from our ranks and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour. Until that day, till all are one.

Daniel: One what?

Ultra Magnus: Goodbye, Prime.

Kup: Goodbye, Prime.

Arcee: Goodbye, Prime.

Hot Rod: Forgive me, Prime.

Optimus Prime: (dying) One more thing, Ultra Magnus. Whatever you do, don't let the Matrix fall into the hands of Hot Ro... ughl... [Prime's dying gasp]

(Copyright) 2000 by Túrin