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The Transformers: The Movie: The Parody Transformers: Animated: Reviews
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RFC-TFTM Part 1
Radio Free Cybertron presents... The Transformers: The Movie Part 1 -----{Scene 1} Sound: Unicron flies through space. Sound: On the planet: the robotic inhabitants go about their daily business Kranix: Arblus, look! It's Unicron! Arblus: Hmm, sorry? [sort o' British attitude] Kranix: Unicron!!! Arblus: Where? Kranix: Right there! Arblus: What, behind the planet? Kranix: It *is* the planet! [impression of John Cleese in Monty Python and the Holy Grail] Sound: Unicron activates his tractor beam and starts tearing up the planet. Kranix: Get to the ships! Get to the ships or we're all dead! Arblus: Oh dear. Sound: (One ship escapes; another is caught and sucked in. We tour Unicron's digestive tract. His ring lights up with energy. He sails off.) Custom Sound: The Transformers theme, but repetetive music segment The Transformers! More than meets the eye... Sound: gunshot, music abruptly ends.
-----{Scene 2} Narrator: It is the year 1905. The treacherous -- Custom Sound: record scratch or other segue Voice [vaguely rube-ish]: Er, Timmy, did you install the Y2K fix to the narration software yet? Voice2: Um, hold on... I'll do it now. Sheesh. Custom Sound: record scratch or other segue Narrator: It is the year 2005. The treacherous Decepticons have... well, considering they've made it fairly obvious from the get-go that they were out to conquer Cybertron, we can hardly call them treacherous, can we? ...The Decepticons have conquered Cybertron... somehow. Sound: LASERBEAK flies past Narrator: But from secret staging grounds on two of Cybertron's moons, the valiant [cough] Autobots prepare to retake their homeland. Narrator: [under his breath] *Secret* staging grounds? Who do they think they're fooling, anyway? Optimus Prime: Ironhide, report to me at once! Ironhide: Every time I look into a monitor, Prime, it's the same old junk. Can't "Lifetime" show anything else besides endless reruns of "The Golden Girls"? Optimus Prime: Listen up, Ironhide. I want you to make a special run to Autobot City on Earth-- [slight emphasis on "run"] Ironhide: But Prime, can't I take a shuttle instead? (beat) Optimus Prime: Listen, Ironhide, we don't have enough energon cubes for a blasted *martini*. So get going. We need the energy for our assault on Cybertron. Ironhide: Your days are numbered now, Decepticreeps! Death! Death for you... Sound: (Runs out of room, transforms, drives down ramp) Optimus Prime: Jazz, report. Jazz: Well, today's top 40 starts off with... Optimus Prime: No, the security report. Jazz: No sign of Decepticons here, Prime. Optimus Prime: You didn't really check, did you? Jazz: Uh... yes I did. Honest. Optimus Prime: What about the other moonbase? Jazz: Which one? Optimus Prime: You know... the other one. The one that isn't moonbase 1. Jazz: You mean moonbase 2? Optimus Prime: That's the one. (beat) Jazz: [short sigh] Jazz to Moonbase 2. Jazz to Moonbase 2. *Bumblebee: Bumblebee and Spike here. Bumblebee and Spike here. Jazz: Why're you repeating yourself? Spike: You started it. Jazz: Spike, we're about to send up a shuttle. Any Decepticon shenanigans in your area? Not that'd it'd stop us from sending the shuttle or anything, but we'd like to know. *Bumblebee: All clear, Jazz. Spike: Hey, Ironhide, tell my son Daniel that -- Ironhide: Spike, I know your son's name. What's with the blatant exposition? I don't get it. Spike: Oh, never mind. Optimus Prime: Cliffjumper, commence countdown. Cliffjumper: Five-four, eh, blast off. Sound: (Shuttle engines ignite, and it roars off the surface) Optimus Prime: Now all we need is a *ton* of energon, and the scriptwriters on our side. Sound: (Laserbeak flies back to Cybertron)
-----{Scene 3} *Shockwave: Laserbeak returns, Megatron. Megatron: Welcome, Laserbeak! Unlike some of my *other* warriors *you* never fail me. Hmm... in fact, since you're *so* dependable... Laserbeak! GO DESTROY OPTIMUS PRIME! Bwahaha! Starscream: You've flipped, Megatron. Megatron: Silence, you fool! Laserbeak, before you go, play back your findings. Sound: tape squealing OPTIMUS PRIME: I want you to make a special run to Autobot City on Earth-- Megatron: Skip to the good part, Laserbeak. Sound: tape squealing Optimus Prime: Now all we need is a *ton* of energon, and the scriptwriters on our side. MEGATRON: Ha! Shockwave! Fetch me the phone book. I'll deal with those scriptwriters... Starscream: Um, Megatron...
-----{Scene 4} Narrator: The Evil Decepticons finally decide to attack Ironhide's shuttle. They burst through, finding only Brawn at the controls, while everyone else is playing bridge in the lounge. Sound: blasting through the shuttle Brawn: Megatron! Decepticons! Megatron: So, Brawn. Did you think I forgot the time that you shot me with my own fusion cannon, and I said I would get you back? Well now it's time! Brawn: Oh yeah? Megatron: Yeah. Brawn: Oh yeah? Megatron: Yeah. Brawn: Oh yeah? Megatron: Yeah! Sound: Megatron transforms to gun mode. Sound: Gunshot Sound: Megatron transforms to robot mode. Megatron: That was too easy, Starscream. Brawn: Oh Yeah? Megatron: You're dead, Brawn! Brawn: 'Tis but a scratch. Megatron: A scratch? Your shoulder's gone! Brawn: No it isn't. Megatron: Look! Brawn: I've had worse. Megatron: You liar! Sound: Megatron transforms to gun mode. Sound: Gunshot Sound: Megatron transforms to robot mode. Megatron: Well, that's done. Now, onto-- Brawn: Oh Yeah? Megatron: Don't give me this garbage. Sound: Megatron transforms to gun mode. Sound: Gunshot Gunshot Gunshot Gunshot Gunshot Sound: Megatron transforms to robot mode. (beat) Sound: Megatron transforms to gun mode. Sound: Gunshot Gunshot Gunshot Sound: Megatron transforms to robot mode. Megatron: *There*. Sheesh, he was a tough little guy, wasn't he? That was a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Starscream: Much harder, almighty Megatron, than attacking the real threat: the Autobots' moonbase! Megatron: You're an idiot, Starscream. When... hold on! The other Autobots! Where are they, anyway? Starscream: It looks like they abandoned ship. They survived. Megatron: It is no matter. When we slip by their early warning systems in their own shuttle and destroy Autobot City, the Autobots will be vanquished forever! Brawn: Oh Yeah? Megatron: Argh! (Copyright) 2000 by Túrin |
