• Stepping on cat vomit in your bare feet.

• Peeing on an electric fence.

• Stepping in a small puddle of water that you didn't see in the dark while wearing socks.

• Losing your pack with your food and water while deep in a 4 mile cave.

• Spitting out the car window, only to have the wind whip it back into your face.

• Stubbing your littlest toe on the edge of a large piece of furniture in the middle of the night.

• Calling a schoolteacher Mom by accident when you were a child.

• Playing a favorite song to some friends from church only to realize that it contains an explicit sexual message you never noticed.

• Working for 2 hours on your computer, then having it crash right before you save your work.

• Missing the bus at 11:30 at night in the rain.
  Without an umbrella.

• When a woman offers you her hand, and when you start to kiss it, she jerks it back.

• When you forget to tape your favorite show which airs on PBS and they aren't going to show it again for who knows how long.

• When you are carrying something while walking, you drop it, and, because of your momentum, step on it.

• Having bad breath while talking to a beautiful woman.

• You pretend not to understand something in order to make a joke, and instead people think you really are stupid.

• You run out of underwear and you don't have an opportunity to go to the Laundromat for 2 days and have to wear a pair out of the hamper.

• You have a great idea, and have just finished telling everyone about it when someone brings up a point that makes you look like an idiot.

• A casual glance at an attractive woman crosses that fine line and becomes a psychotic stare.

• When you wake up in the morning late because when your alarm went off in the morning you turned it off instead of hitting the snooze button and you went back to sleep.

• You start to tell a funny story to a fairly large group of people, and when nobody laughs, you finish weakly, "Well, you had to be there."

• You have the VCR hooked up wrong and record two hours of channel 3.

• You start to pet a sleeping cat, and she gets startled and rips the back of your hand open by an accidental reflex action.

• You throw something away that you haven't used for 3 years, and the next week you discover you really needed it.

• You buy something marked "Some assembly required" and when you are done there are a bunch of parts left over.

• You borrow something and forget to return it for so long you find yourself wondering which is worse, to give it back and be embarrassed, or pretend to forget and hope the owner forgets too.

• Trying to put the dipstick back in that little hole while changing the oil in the dark.

• Forgetting your sunglasses and getting a headache from the sun's glare.

• Discovering you have no pain reliever for your headache.

• You pass gas while doing the sit-ups.

• You pass gas while doing jumping jacks in exercise class.

• You forget to sign a check and have to deal with the bank bureaucracy.

• An idiot who won't listen to reason gets in your face and gives you grief.

• Your hand swells up after you hit the idiot, and your hand is hurt worse than his head.

• People talk during the movie.

• A stupid punk kid kicks the back of your chair at the movie theater for an hour and a half, and it's not even in time with the movie soundtrack.

• You pop a pimple and it leaves a scar.

• Your light goes out in the middle of the cave and you have to hold a candle in your hand and try to climb out.

• You accidentally swear in front of your grandmother.

• You turn on the tap in the bathtub and the shower comes on because somebody left the knob turned.
  Cold water of course.

• You go to buy new shoes and you have a hole in your sock.

• You didn't label your video tapes, and now you have no idea what is on any of them.

• You get poison oak on your hands while hiking, and you don't realize it. Then you scratch your eye, rub your chin, go to the bathroom...

• You enter a public restroom and find abundant evidence that the last person in that particular stall was allergic to squid.

• The government takes your house away under eminent domain and gives you the 1974 market value.

• Your son gets an earring.

• Your dad gets an earring.

• Your wife wants to take a separate vacation so she can "find herself".

• You spend 6 hours on a project, fail miserably, and then someone comes along and tells you how to do it in 15 minutes.

• Where are the AA batteries?

• You get a chili stain on your shirt.

• You leave your headlights on and your car battery dies, a week after you made fun of your friend for leaving her lights on.

• You're trying to make a list of life's lesser moments and you can't think of anything.

• You have a stupid tune in your head from a commercial jingle and you can't stop whistling and humming it.

• Someone who knows you but hasn't seen you in years comes over and starts a conversation, but you have no idea who the person is.

• You are invited to a function, and you tell the host you can't go. Instead of accepting this, he comes up with a whole bunch of suggestions on how you could manage to make it if you really wanted to, but the trouble is, you don't want to go that bad in the first place.

• You have a really good idea but babble incoherently when trying to state it because it hasn't been thought through except in your mind.

• Your hard disk crashes.

• You just finish making a sweeping generalization to exaggerate a point (i.e. All cops are fascist pigs), when one of the people you are talking to announces he is a member of whatever group you just slandered accidentally.

• The report is due tomorrow, and you haven't even started.

• You tell someone a lie, and they catch you in it red-handed.

• You get caught in the rain without an umbrella while wearing a suede jacket, which gets all splotchy.

• Somebody finds your diary and reads it.

• You overcook dinner, wasting $12.00 and one and a half hours of work.

• You do so badly in a University class you are forced to drop it, and you are even considering changing your major because you aren't sure what to do with your life, and someone comes up to you and says, "How's school going?"

• You gather the attention of anyone present and make the announcement, "I forgot what I was going to say."

• You walk into a room and forget why you went there.

• Carrying a bag of trash in one hand and your car keys in the other, you throw away your car keys and start walking toward the car with the bag of trash still in your hand.

• You have one of those straps around your reading glasses so they hang around your neck, and it breaks so when you take your glasses off you throw them on the floor.

• You turn to look at your watch with a glass of milk in your hand and it spills on the floor.

• You double-space your hard drive so you have more room, and 10 months later it dies, and you spend a week and a half hunched over your computer trying to get back your data, and eventually end up buying a new hard drive and losing hundreds of dollars.

• You stand in line for 10 minutes to buy something, then you write a check and realize you left your ID at home.

• The weeds in your backyard are taller than you are.

• You step on a slug in the bathroom in your bare feet. Naturally it goes right between the toes.

• You borrow a cassette tape from someone and your car stereo chews it up.

• You cut yourself, but, since it doesn't hurt, you don't realize it until blood gets over everything.

• You don't have exact change.

• You want to do something with your friends, but the whole evening consists of standing around saying, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "I don't know, but let's do something." "Yeah, let's do something. What do you want to do?"

• You start to tell someone about the really great dream you had, then, when they look confused, you say "Well, it all made sense while I was asleep."

• You stand in line for a purchase for 8 minutes only to discover you are 47 cents short.

• You have to speak in public, and have still not found a topic an hour before you are due to speak.

• You're backing up and don't quite make the turn, and you break the rear tail light.

• You lock your keys in the car.

• You say, "Oh, look at all the beautiful rain we're having," then go home to find your roof leaked all over your things.

• You start to change lanes to find a car has magically appeared beside you, causing him to honk and you to jerk back into your own lane.

• The power goes out while you are working on your computer.

• You write a letter, but by the time you get around to mailing it, it is hopelessly out of date.

• The compact disk gets scratched.

• The VCR is rewinding the tape, and the tape breaks when it gets to the end, causing it to just spin around and around.

• You stay on the phone with someone, not talking except for insignificant smalltalk, because you are too polite to tell the person you want to go.

Additions

• You walk around thinking you look so good and making yourself be seen only to go to the restroom and look in the mirror and find that you have a big boogie on the end of your nose.

• You tell your young child not to pour his milk or juice by himself because he may spill it , only to pour it and spill it all over the place yourself.

• You tell your friends about this great idea for an invention and tell them all the details, just to be slapped in the face with the comment that it's already been invented.

• You step in dog poop and you still have to smell your shoe just to make sure its not mud.